It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
