i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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