Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
