i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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