That's intense
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
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We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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