I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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