we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
