Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my liver is dry heaving
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
