i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize