omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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