the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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