you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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