have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
