the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
