do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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