Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
