he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I want is dick and wine.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
