I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
