An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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