I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
