And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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