Farmville is her only friend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
