if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
