just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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