Jerry, you need to find god
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
