I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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