After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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