Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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