he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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