'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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