i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
