my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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