he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
