I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's always time for handjobs
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The Olympian is in my bed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
