Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
