I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had to cum in my sink.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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