drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
