1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
