At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
