he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
false alarm. still invincible.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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