I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
