How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
