we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
