well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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