i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
