i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
