But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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