omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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