so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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