Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
this is an emotional support booty call
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