You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
