Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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