My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
