The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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