I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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