The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
