new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
