If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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