Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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