Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
