The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
