So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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