I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
