I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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