So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
