I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
