u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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