I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
