If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
