New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
