That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
